Murder, murder....

MURDER..RED RUM...As a physical reality, it might not be possible but as a mental concept, the thought of it is quite attractive. My targets are of course some of the flatmates I have, of which if I did frag their arses, it would be a boon to humanity in general, especially...well, no names here but i WILL give them some form of identity by their habits.
Lets start with the moocher, a delta based hagfish (or a remora..still not sure), whose only desire in this life is to be a parasite, draining money, food and giving back nothing except rude remarks, BO and irritating comments like when u enter the house, late at nite, still carrying ur work bag, he'll say, 'oh! u r bak' and u look at him, tired, hungry and all u want to do is ram ur fist down his throat!
next is a midget, codenamed 'lumberjack'. he is so called cos this guy saws wood while he sleeps to the extent he woke everyone in d room one night and they actually had to kick him awake. he's also a dirty, filthy pig with the annoying habit of hanging up dirty clothing (they have an acrid, biting odour if you smll them) in the same closet as others' clean clothing. He doesn't eat much but makes up for it with copious amounts of smoking and drinking, so i guess that balances out.
Next character is called the warlord. nothing much to say about this dude really except he has to stop being a hypocrite, u know. He bunked his runs for a week and spenta large part of it shagging the lass but turns around and acts all holier-than-thou. he eats like a black hole as well and sleeps like a bear in winter. mustn't mention if you crash in d same room with him, gas masks r nt inclusive, which is a great pity cos u would spend most of the night inhaling what his innards smell like when reduced to gas (flatulence CAN be treated abeg o)
i could go on and on about all this but i feel much better already, having gotten rid of some of the venom built up over the weekend. I can now ay they also have their good points...except for the hagfish!!!